I am having a lot of roller coaster emotions right now. And most of which I'm having difficulty trying to put into words to explain. I feel torn. I feel terrified. I feel apprehensive. I feel hopefulness. A feeling of excitement comes on occasion. And even more that I just can't explain.
I once had a very best friend. We had a terrible falling out a few years ago. Some harsh words were exchanged. Then all communication ceased. A few months ago, her and her husband separated, and so her husband and I began talking and hanging out again. My husband and her husband are friends and they also work together. Then her & her husband reconciled and got back together. I thought for sure that him & I would no longer talk. Bcuz of the history between her and I, I didn't think she would want him to talk to me. But we do still talk via text once in a while, just not hang out or talk in person. During one of those text conversations, he made a comment that he wished her & I could get past our issues with each other so that we could all be friends and hang out together again. And to be completely honest, I can't say that I haven't thought about it over the years many, many, MANY times. I have. I have thought about what it would be like for things to be as they used to be. I do miss my friend. I miss the good times we all used to have. I miss having a friend to talk to about anything, someone other than my husband.
So on Facebook, her husband is on my friend's list. He has been since right after they got separated. And he still is. And now she is on his friend's list and listed as his wife. Which of course is how it should be. So a few nights ago, I decided to "poke" her just to see what she would do. I figured if I didn't get a "poke" back, then she either deleted or ignored it. And then I would know that there would be no place in our futures for us to again be part of each others lives. But the very next morning to my surprise, she "poked" back. When I received the notification of it, I was shocked. And a wave of excitement went through me at the same time. Since then, we've been "poking" each other back and forth. That is all that it has been so far. I would like to know if she misses me. I would like to know if she wants to try to be friends again. But how can I find out without actually talking to her. I am nervous to know. I am excited and terrified at the same time. Many people do not think I should ever even think about being friends with her again. But then again many people thought he should not let her back in his life again either. But he loves her so much. And she loves him. That's why they always end up back together. No one can fault them for that.
We all make mistakes in our lives. We all have situations that we could have handled better and in different ways. But that's how we learn right. I've learned a few things from the fall out with my ex best friend. Some good things, and a couple not so good things. When all of this went down, I was devastated. I couldn't understand why my best friend would just completely cease all communication with me without any explanation. I felt like my heart was ripped to shreds. I loved her like a sister. After 8 months of nothing, she messaged me. I should have responded. But instead I messaged her husband first. That was definitely a situation that I should have handled differently. After that a bunch of things happened. We tried to get back to where we were but I think there was just too much tension and animosity. But here we are about 4 yrs later after the original fallout. I am feeling torn bcuz on one hand I want so much to have my best friend back. But on the other hand I am nervous and terrified of getting hurt again. How do you trust again after what happened and after all this time? I would imagine if she is even thinking about it, that maybe she is thinking some of the same things ... maybe ... or maybe not. I don't know what she's thinking. I don't know how she feels. I don't know any of that. I guess that's another part of why I'm so nervous and terrified, like needing to know the water's safe before jumping into it.
So I guess I'll see what happens from here.
Here is a picture of my best friend and I the day that I got married. She was my matron of honor. She stood with me by my side. Who knew that about a year or so later, that would be gone. You'd never guess that from looking at this picture.
Until Next Time,
♥ Margie ♥
1 Comments:
I think it is great that you are both seeming to show signs of friendship.
A poke is not much but it is something.
You could always post a pic of the four of you with a caption saying something like.... Miss these days of (insert descriptive word here) and tag her hubby in the photo.
That would post to his wall where she would see it in the news feed.
You would not be talking to her directly but you would be making it known that you are open to a new friendship.
I know I sure miss my best friend from school. Although, in our friendship everyone could not understand why I put up with her. (friendship seemed very one sided) I miss those crazy times where things were fun... I do not miss those times that I feel used and abused. Having no real friends living near me you can see why I miss it so much.
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