An EX That Keeps Coming Back ...

We all have them. They are the EX's in our lives that keep haunting and taunting us and weeding their way back into our lives and causing problems over and over again. And they're not always ex-spouses or ex-boy/girlfriends. Some are ex-best friends that have had a huge impact in our lives that at one point were so important to us that they were close enough to be like a sister or a brother. 

So yes, I have one of these EX's. She was my best friend. She was like a sister to me and an aunt to my kids. And suddenly out of nowhere, she wasn't. 

Ok, so let me give a summary from the beginning. Names will be changed to keep anonymity for all. I started working at a call center. One of the people that I worked with was a guy named Eric. Him & I did specific job tasks together and became friends. There were times when he would tell me about his girlfriend and how overly possessive she was of him and how she wouldn't even let him talk to his best friend that he had known since he was a kid. A few months later I went to another department for a three month temporary position. That's where I met Melissa. She was Eric's girlfriend, although it was a while before I realized it. So Melissa and I began to develop a friendship. We started hanging out together all the time and actually got to a point when we were pretty much inseparable. Eventually her & Eric got married. And my now husband and I got married a couple years later. She was my matron of honor. On occasion she would have money issues that she didn't want Eric to know about so she got a few of those payday loans to cover her tracks. Then when my husband and I sold our mobile home, she asked me if I could help her pay off her payday loans and she would pay me back. Ok, actually she begged me to loan her the money to pay off her payday loans and swore up and down that she would make a payment to me every payday to pay me back. I agreed to loan her the money. And once again as life has proved time and time again, money was the beginning of the downfall of our friendship. It was not a small amount of money. And of course no payments ever came my way. And bcuz this was all hush hush from Eric, I couldn't make a big deal about it. I would constantly hear Melissa talk a whole bunch of crap about Eric and how unhappy she was and what a jerk he was and stuff like that. It was a really trying time and put a strain on the whole situation since I was also friends with Eric.

Eventually, Eric's mom began to get really sick. It was really bad and very sadly, she was dying. Melissa did help take care of her, which surprised a lot of people. There were people that warned me about Melissa. But I didn't listen. I believed everything she told me. She was my best friend. They didn't know her like I did. So they couldn't possibly know what they were talking about. But when it came down to it, it wasn't them who were wrong. It was me. The day that Eric's mom died, Melissa left him to move in with another guy. I knew she was unhappy. But I never saw this coming. Since I was friends with both of them, there were plenty of times when I was put in the middle and always asked questions like, what did he say, what is she doing, etc. It was stressful at times and difficult at times. But they were my friends and I wanted to do anything I could to help them both. All I wanted was for both of them to be happy. 

Then one day, I didn't hear from Melissa. I called her. I texted her. I emailed her. Nothing. One day turned into two. Then a week. Then a month. And before I knew it eight months had gone by. During this whole time, my husband and I remained really good friends with Eric. Also during this whole time, I was devastated. I felt like part of me had been ripped away. I was brokenhearted. Here was someone that was like a sister to me and we were inseparable for 4 years and out of nowhere, our relationship came to a screeching halt without any kind of explanation.

So like I said, eight months goes by and nothing. Then one day I go on my My Space page. And there is a message ... from Melissa. She told me she had to cut off all communication and interaction with me bcuz I kept talking about Eric and reminding her about Eric. Remembering back, the only time I talked about him was when she would ask about him, which was happening quite a bit during that time from the time she left him to the time she quit talking to me. After reading her message, I didn't know what to think. All kinds of emotions flooded through me. But the first thing that came to mind was that I needed to let Eric know about this. So I forward the message to him saying "look what I just got in my My Space inbox." I also told my husband about it. He was just as surprised as I was. So she wanted to be friends again. I was really apprehensive about it. So then I get a message back from Eric saying that Melissa messaged him a couple of weeks before and they have been talking the whole time. WHAT?!!! I couldn't believe he didn't tell me. But I can kind of understand why. So then he says he wants Melissa and I to talk and get things worked out. So bcuz of our friendship with Eric, I agreed to meet with her and maybe work things out. But as I said, apprehension was on the top of the list of emotions I was feeling. I wasn't about to let her take advantage of me again. It just wasn't going to happen. So we tried again. But it was never the same. And once she realized that she didn't have any kind of power over me like before and that our friendship would never be like it was before, we talked less and less and then had a huge blowup and it was done. 

Ok, let me back up a bit. During the time when we were so close, I cross stitched a gift for her. She absolutely loves a specific symbol. So I came across a cross stitch pattern of this symbol that was completely amazing and beautiful. I stitched it and gave it to her for her birthday one year. She loved it. Well after the whole reconnection, I asked her if I could have the piece to enter into the fair. She said yes and when she got it for me, she had it sitting on the top shelf of her closet in her bedroom like she didn't care at all about it. So after I entered it into the fair, I just kept it. I hung it up in my house. I figured if she didn't care about it then I would just keep it and hang it up so that people could see it rather than it sitting on a closet shelf and collecting dust. Ok, so I know that probably wasn't the right thing to do, but it hurt me that she wouldn't care about something that I put so much love and care and work into. After nearly a year, she saw a picture of this piece with the ribbon from the fair on my My Space page. She commented ... "can I have this back now?" I didn't respond right away, but my husband commented back saying, "she made this for a friend. And a real friend would pay back the money you owe her." Well that's what started the huge blowup. She got super pissed off and went on a long rant on a message on My Space. One of the things she said was that the cross stitch piece that I made her wasn't worth a penny much less the amount of money that she owed me. She said I was making our friendship all about money. Plus she said all kinds of more mean and nasty things including making it seem like I was her and she was me. Does that make sense? She said she was the nice, kind and generous person and I was the one that took advantage of her. Everyone that knows us knows that this wasn't true. 

So once again, we quit talking. Now this time, her & Eric got remarried and she forbid him to talk to us at all. However, my husband and Eric work together, so eventually they were talking all the time at work. So that's how I would find out how things were going and what was going on with them is from what Eric would tell my husband at work. Over the past year, they've been having a lot of issues. And then about three or four months ago, Melissa started taking trips to another state to see people she knew there, including some family. After one of the trips she got really distant with Eric and went on a yelling rant. So he asked her if she wanted a divorce. She said yes. And then two months ago she got a moving truck and moved to the other state. And with that Eric and I were finally able to start talking again and we've all been hanging out and things have been good. 

And then there's the old saying that all good things come to an end. About one or two weeks ago, he got messages from her saying she was going to go on a trip to visit a family member and then after that she was going to go back to where she's been living and get a moving truck and move back here. He said after she left this time and after he filed for divorce that he wouldn't take her back if she wanted to come back. But I knew that he would. He really truly loves her. And that's not going to change. And I certainly don't hold any ill will towards him over this. My husband and I just want him to be happy. We do understand that it might mean that he will once again be forbidden to talk with us. But he needs to do what he needs to do in order to be happy. I can't say that I'm going to like it if he's forbidden to talk or hang out with us. He told me that if they do get back together that there will be ground rules that he will lay down. And the first one will be that he will continue to talk and hang out with us as well as his best friend that he's known since he was a kid. And that will be cool. 

So I don't know what will happen once they get back together. Only time will tell. I don't know if she'll forbid him to talk to us. Or if she'll want to make amends with us. Who knows. I do know that the money situation will have to be resolved. And of course I will have to return the cross stitched piece back to her. If she even wants it. After everything, I can't say that I don't miss my best friend. I really do. I miss all the fun we had together. I miss hanging out with her. I miss our friendship very much. I just don't know if it can ever be the same, as much as I would like it to.

So that's my crazy mixed up post for today. 

Until Next Time,

♥ Margie ♥